It's great to see you back. I've missed your HTBB series. I look forward to seeing what's next
Could have been done better. You could have had a slip where she /almost/ remembered something and then her new mind turns it into something completely different and sexual with a bit of stumbling over words from the disorientation, for example. That extra little bit of conflict is the driving force of writing.The stronger the conflict the more powerful the er... "emotions". Lets call it "emotions" for now.
I agree that a little slip/memory can be an excellent way to create conflict in a cap, and I honestly thought about it for this one. But I decided against it because the photo model looks so happy and confident that it would have been hard to justify her being anything other than a complete bimbo at this point...I tried to add the conflict in the form of the friend's shock to drive the cap along instead.Thanks for the critique!-Elena Starz